Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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