Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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