I need help removing her.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
