Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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