I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
