I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
