My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
