how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
well you can't waste a boner
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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