I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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