I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
