apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
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I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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