some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
