she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
