just tell him i said nine months
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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