I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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