Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
