It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We are two peas in an std pod
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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