you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
