The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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