dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
