Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
