I will die if light touches me.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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