Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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