i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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