i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
