What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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