normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
