didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
