this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
