ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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