Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the day after is always just damage control
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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