my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
