You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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