and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
