His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Randomize
