Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
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we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
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Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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