he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
