Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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