Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
