I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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