Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
