i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
