lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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