His hands were made for my vagina.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
