that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
