true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
