oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
