so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
