if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
