Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
