my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
