You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You pole danced in your parka.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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