If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
