I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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