I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
