I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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