Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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