Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
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she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
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It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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