I am in a vortex of obligation.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
