great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
