Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
