Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
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Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
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Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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