Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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