Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
