it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
