Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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