i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
