I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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