Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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