One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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