then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
