brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
