i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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