3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
It's like God shit irony all over that family
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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