I don't remember. Are we still dating?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
