is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It's just like the Real World with babies
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
