You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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