I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
