I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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