So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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