how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
