It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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