Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
